Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
