when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
