Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We just shotgunned beers for America
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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