omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
