guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
