found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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