we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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