sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
