so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
