I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize