A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
