Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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