HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
