Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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