I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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