My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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