i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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