I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
