Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
