Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
