Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
