3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
