Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
