Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
