I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so let's talk penis.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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