He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
