i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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