Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
