I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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