Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
