Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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