the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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