party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
