The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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