He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
