hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
