Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
