Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
