Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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