My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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