i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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