quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize