I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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