Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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