Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
