easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
