he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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