I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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