I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
