I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
