Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
