Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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