my mouth tastes like poor choices
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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