Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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