I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I want to have your abortion
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
