areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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