You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
