Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
