On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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