Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
