How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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