Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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