# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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