She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
