so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
