What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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