Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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