Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
