You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
