Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
