About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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