i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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