it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
