i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
