it was like his penis was on wheels.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were trust falling into bushes
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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