Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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