Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
