shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
